sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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