1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
if you like me you must not know who I am
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
