Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
