Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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