I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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