the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
