He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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