I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
