hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
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I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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