I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
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i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
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Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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