I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
