Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just pee around me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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