What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
