I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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