I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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