I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
