just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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