5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
