Don't you send me to vm
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
