So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
