ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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