You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
