That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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