I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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