Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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