Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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