I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
