i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
