i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
