That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
