Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
