Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
