Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
