My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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