I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
