I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
