Sponge bath it is.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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