I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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