If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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