I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dignity is for republicans.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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