I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
That was before I lit my hair on fire
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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