you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
