What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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