I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize