You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My dick has a subreddit
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
