she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
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Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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