This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
