We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Randomize
