we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
