I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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