FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
