If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
