He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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