Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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