Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
