ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
