I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
