you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
