My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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