why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think my fart just growled at me.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
