hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
