He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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