Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
