Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
