Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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