party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Watching her eat just hurts me
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
