The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
